[ By now, Yesod has grown more accustomed to the contact that March initiates, and it's far less overwhelming than a few other experiences. There is no tension in his posture; in fact, he looks equally pleased to see March, greeting her with a smile. Small though it may be, the way his expression brightens with it is sufficiently discernible. He lets her usher him into the room, still at ease as they sit side by side.
Instead of crossing his arms, he rests his palms on his knees, turning his head to maintain eye contact. ]
I must thank you again. Before we resume our recent conversation, how are you?
[ March seems in a hurry to move on from the "snag" that was hopefully resolved, though her phrasing suggests that some loose ends remain. Yesod doesn't smile then, debating whether to leave it be and change the subject as March rather enthusiastically invites him to do. ]
I see... Nevertheless, if I can be of help, you're welcome to contact me as well.
[ It would be no different from this, his turning to her now. ]
With regard to requesting your perspective, has Malkuth spoken to you?
The last time we really spoke about my opinion was... a while ago. Back when one of our friends had disappeared and I got her thoughts on where she stood with people. But nothing's really come up since then.
[ So it's about Malkuth?
... She's not too surprised, actually. Although given everything with Izou and now this, maybe she hasn't really figured out what she wants for herself as much as March had thought. ]
[ By the sound of it, March must have offered Malkuth a listening ear, just as she provides it to Yesod today. Should he conclude that Malkuth simply wishes to forget his deviating from what she has come to expect? ]
She recently told me that she has feelings for Ryoji. Unfortunately, his sudden disappearance meant that she was unable to inform him of that.
[ It's possible that this very topic was the focus of Malkuth and March's conversation, some time ago. ]
I am also aware that Malkuth is involved with a man named Vergilius.
[ And that Malkuth seems to enjoy flirting with various people. ]
[ March makes a light sort-of grimace. It can't be the easiest thing for him to be witnessing all of this, if she's right on why he's here, and she's pretty sure she is. ]
I... don't think it's... going anywhere. Or further, at least. [ Vergilius had seemed so... defeated, when she'd talked to him. Unsatisfied. She doesn't know how their talk went, but... ]
[ What were Malkuth and Vergilius to each other, then, these past few months? Vergilius must have been the person for whom Malkuth's new outfit considerations were intended, and the person who made her feel wanted for the first time across lives, allowing her to experience forms of physical intimacy associated with that context. It seems difficult to imagine moving on from it with no lingering feelings. Similarly, Ryoji has undoubtedly left his imprint on Malkuth's heart, as longing for Ayin's acknowledgement did.
(Briefly, Yesod wonders whether Elysium is next.)
Or is it easy enough to separate one's emotions into compartments, none of which overlap, accepting them no matter their shape, rather than ignoring their existence? Yesod examines his own capacity for them, still gingerly. ]
On several occasions, Malkuth asked me whether anyone has caught my eye.
[ It was a friend's lighthearted teasing, each time. It wasn't unpleasant. ]
I decided to tell her the truth.
[ It was beginning to feel somewhat odd to hear Malkuth insist that his remarks were best saved for a hypothetical love interest, sure to prove effective then. ]
Naturally, it was unexpected, and the timing has never seemed appropriate, given Malkuth's situation.
[ Additional factors to consider, as he said. ]
I realize that Malkuth wants to avoid using and hurting others, particularly her friends.
[ March tilts her head, listening to all of this. Maybe there's a surprised blink as soon as he says he was truthful, because she wouldn't have expected Yesod to say it directly, but. Respect, honestly. ]
... What did she say, specifically? About you confessing to her?
[ What is she working with, apart from Malkuth apparently deciding it wasn't worth mentioning to her bestie-- ]
[ Malkuth's own admission then is important to keep in mind. ]
"I can't think you're serious right now."
[ Implicitly, it acknowledged that he was serious — that Malkuth was most likely fully aware of his thinking. Her attempts to pretend otherwise were a shield, not only for herself. ]
I had clarified that our conversation had no bearing on my decision, as the intent wasn't to take advantage of her trust. However, I would imagine that Malkuth already knew that.
[ And it isn't unreasonable that she might need more time to ascertain whether she could view any of her colleagues as potential romantic partners in addition to the bonds that she cherishes, something unique and gradually comfortable, irreplaceable, in a future that permits them to develop and strengthen. If she hasn't said anything to March, it may be because she would prefer not to confront any of it yet. The pain of Ryoji's disappearance is still fresh, her feelings for him in the foreground.
No doubt it's easier to seek distractions that seem harmless. ]
[ She's frowning very intently now, gaze a little unfocused in thought. ]
... What I'm about to offer as advice might be a little weird, after you just told me that, but just hear me out first. Okay?
[ Will this potentially complicate things for her best friend if she offers said advice? Yes, absolutely. But she's listened to her thoughts during the sleepovers. She's seen how she reacts to others. She's seen her carefully curated comfort zone and how she'd talked about Yesod pinning her to the wall.
And most importantly, if she has to back up anyone in this whole... thing going on with Malkuth, she'd definitely throw her support behind Yesod. ]
[ It's clear that March is carefully mulling the matter over, and her doing so for her friends is appreciated. Now Yesod tilts his head in a question before he nods, waiting. He will listen from start to finish, as March did. ]
I think you should convince her you're being serious. I think she's comfortable with a certain dynamic, but I also think she needs to see you in a light other than a coworker she trusts and cares for or she's going to stay like that. She's going to stick with what's familiar. With everyone else, they're people she doesn't have preexisting history with, yeah?
But I think you deserve to have her be more aware of you, in a different way than before.
[ March's perspective is encouraging, certainly. Quiet a moment longer, Yesod regards her, considering her words.
Once again, she treats beings like him and Netzach as no different from other people. Malkuth does as well, he thinks — even so, is their current form an off-putting reminder of the past that should now be behind them? ]
...I believed that I only wanted to be honest with Malkuth, without the expectation that she should reciprocate anything expressed on my part. After all, she had just confided in me, and Ryoji's disappearance continues to affect her. Yet I can't pretend that her reaction didn't affect me, either. Perhaps I would have liked to think that there was some truth to her teasing.
[ And perhaps it would be easier, too, if it weren't specifically Malkuth and Elysium who are collaborating now. Of course, that thought is strange, and it shouldn't exist. ]
... Well, that might have been because she decided not to think about it.
[ Sorry, Malkuth. She wants to give you the benefit of the doubt, but... ]
If you just wanted to tell her and you did and that was settled, I don't think you would have anything to talk to me about, right? That you're here means you do want something to change. Or am I off-base here?
[ He suspects that March is right — Malkuth didn't comment on it further, after her request. After he gave her an escape route to take, if only because he didn't want her to feel betrayed, not because it wouldn't sting at all to see her choose to disregard his confession altogether.
Yesod shakes his head. ]
...No, your conclusions are correct, March. Of course I would be pleased, if Malkuth were to welcome it instead.
[ The idea that it could be something to experience together precisely because they are who they are, an extension of that trust. ]
Right! That's a very formal way to say it, but I get what you're saying loud and clear!
[ March beams, patting his hand. ]
I'll try to drop a few hints in your favor, but you're really going to have to go for a more straightforward approach to her in the future. She kinda does better when other people make the first move and in your case, you really do need to shake her out of that comfort zone or she'll think she's talked you down and it wasn't that serious for you in the first place if that worked.
[ Yesod's gaze drops to March's hand resting over his. After a moment, he places his other hand atop hers. ]
I'm grateful, but I won't ask you to intervene on my behalf. I'll rephrase my statement at the time.
[ Maybe "it's you, Malkuth" was insufficient, not for a lack of directness, but because it didn't elaborate on the extent of its meaning. Maybe he shouldn't have given Malkuth the option of looking away and pretending that nothing had changed. ]
[ Is it such a remarkable assertion? The procedure side effects haven't lessened, and despite his astonishment, Yesod's smile is unmistakably there, fond. March truly has illuminated all of their lives, and she continues to do so.
There is a rising impulse that he finds himself wanting to act on, just once. Taking his hands from where they are, March's hand between them, he raises his arms to wrap them around her shoulders in a hug while words are inadequate. ]
It takes a few seconds for this to process, because he doesn't tend to initiate this sort of thing, like. Ever. But they were just talking about emotional things, sort of, so maybe--
Regardless, March wraps her arms around him in return, plunking her forehead against his shoulder. She's here for this. And his future adventures. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ By now, Yesod has grown more accustomed to the contact that March initiates, and it's far less overwhelming than a few other experiences. There is no tension in his posture; in fact, he looks equally pleased to see March, greeting her with a smile. Small though it may be, the way his expression brightens with it is sufficiently discernible. He lets her usher him into the room, still at ease as they sit side by side.
Instead of crossing his arms, he rests his palms on his knees, turning his head to maintain eye contact. ]
I must thank you again. Before we resume our recent conversation, how are you?
no subject
[ Sometimes you have to speak up to both your best friend and your boyfriend... ]
I'm primed and prepped to be here for you!
no subject
I see... Nevertheless, if I can be of help, you're welcome to contact me as well.
[ It would be no different from this, his turning to her now. ]
With regard to requesting your perspective, has Malkuth spoken to you?
no subject
[ So it's about Malkuth?
... She's not too surprised, actually. Although given everything with Izou and now this, maybe she hasn't really figured out what she wants for herself as much as March had thought. ]
no subject
She recently told me that she has feelings for Ryoji. Unfortunately, his sudden disappearance meant that she was unable to inform him of that.
[ It's possible that this very topic was the focus of Malkuth and March's conversation, some time ago. ]
I am also aware that Malkuth is involved with a man named Vergilius.
[ And that Malkuth seems to enjoy flirting with various people. ]
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I... don't think it's... going anywhere. Or further, at least. [ Vergilius had seemed so... defeated, when she'd talked to him. Unsatisfied. She doesn't know how their talk went, but... ]
... Did something happen, with you two?
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(Briefly, Yesod wonders whether Elysium is next.)
Or is it easy enough to separate one's emotions into compartments, none of which overlap, accepting them no matter their shape, rather than ignoring their existence? Yesod examines his own capacity for them, still gingerly. ]
On several occasions, Malkuth asked me whether anyone has caught my eye.
[ It was a friend's lighthearted teasing, each time. It wasn't unpleasant. ]
I decided to tell her the truth.
[ It was beginning to feel somewhat odd to hear Malkuth insist that his remarks were best saved for a hypothetical love interest, sure to prove effective then. ]
Naturally, it was unexpected, and the timing has never seemed appropriate, given Malkuth's situation.
[ Additional factors to consider, as he said. ]
I realize that Malkuth wants to avoid using and hurting others, particularly her friends.
no subject
... What did she say, specifically? About you confessing to her?
[ What is she working with, apart from Malkuth apparently deciding it wasn't worth mentioning to her bestie-- ]
no subject
"I can't think you're serious right now."
[ Implicitly, it acknowledged that he was serious — that Malkuth was most likely fully aware of his thinking. Her attempts to pretend otherwise were a shield, not only for herself. ]
I had clarified that our conversation had no bearing on my decision, as the intent wasn't to take advantage of her trust. However, I would imagine that Malkuth already knew that.
[ And it isn't unreasonable that she might need more time to ascertain whether she could view any of her colleagues as potential romantic partners in addition to the bonds that she cherishes, something unique and gradually comfortable, irreplaceable, in a future that permits them to develop and strengthen. If she hasn't said anything to March, it may be because she would prefer not to confront any of it yet. The pain of Ryoji's disappearance is still fresh, her feelings for him in the foreground.
No doubt it's easier to seek distractions that seem harmless. ]
no subject
Okay, so. Um.
[ She's frowning very intently now, gaze a little unfocused in thought. ]
... What I'm about to offer as advice might be a little weird, after you just told me that, but just hear me out first. Okay?
[ Will this potentially complicate things for her best friend if she offers said advice? Yes, absolutely. But she's listened to her thoughts during the sleepovers. She's seen how she reacts to others. She's seen her carefully curated comfort zone and how she'd talked about Yesod pinning her to the wall.
And most importantly, if she has to back up anyone in this whole... thing going on with Malkuth, she'd definitely throw her support behind Yesod. ]
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I intend to.
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[ A breath. ]
I think you should convince her you're being serious. I think she's comfortable with a certain dynamic, but I also think she needs to see you in a light other than a coworker she trusts and cares for or she's going to stay like that. She's going to stick with what's familiar. With everyone else, they're people she doesn't have preexisting history with, yeah?
But I think you deserve to have her be more aware of you, in a different way than before.
no subject
Once again, she treats beings like him and Netzach as no different from other people. Malkuth does as well, he thinks — even so, is their current form an off-putting reminder of the past that should now be behind them? ]
...I believed that I only wanted to be honest with Malkuth, without the expectation that she should reciprocate anything expressed on my part. After all, she had just confided in me, and Ryoji's disappearance continues to affect her. Yet I can't pretend that her reaction didn't affect me, either. Perhaps I would have liked to think that there was some truth to her teasing.
[ And perhaps it would be easier, too, if it weren't specifically Malkuth and Elysium who are collaborating now. Of course, that thought is strange, and it shouldn't exist. ]
She seemed less unsettled by the end, at least.
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[ Sorry, Malkuth. She wants to give you the benefit of the doubt, but... ]
If you just wanted to tell her and you did and that was settled, I don't think you would have anything to talk to me about, right? That you're here means you do want something to change. Or am I off-base here?
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Yesod shakes his head. ]
...No, your conclusions are correct, March. Of course I would be pleased, if Malkuth were to welcome it instead.
[ The idea that it could be something to experience together precisely because they are who they are, an extension of that trust. ]
no subject
[ March beams, patting his hand. ]
I'll try to drop a few hints in your favor, but you're really going to have to go for a more straightforward approach to her in the future. She kinda does better when other people make the first move and in your case, you really do need to shake her out of that comfort zone or she'll think she's talked you down and it wasn't that serious for you in the first place if that worked.
no subject
I'm grateful, but I won't ask you to intervene on my behalf. I'll rephrase my statement at the time.
[ Maybe "it's you, Malkuth" was insufficient, not for a lack of directness, but because it didn't elaborate on the extent of its meaning. Maybe he shouldn't have given Malkuth the option of looking away and pretending that nothing had changed. ]
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[ Not because it's him, but because it's Malkuth. ]
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If I'm incapable of accomplishing it on my own merits, I have no business asking Malkuth to look at me.
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I'm so proud of you.
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There is a rising impulse that he finds himself wanting to act on, just once. Taking his hands from where they are, March's hand between them, he raises his arms to wrap them around her shoulders in a hug while words are inadequate. ]
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Yesod's hugging her?????
It takes a few seconds for this to process, because he doesn't tend to initiate this sort of thing, like. Ever. But they were just talking about emotional things, sort of, so maybe--
Regardless, March wraps her arms around him in return, plunking her forehead against his shoulder. She's here for this. And his future adventures. ]