No, but she told me a little. About, um. Lobotomy Corp.
[ A careful pause. ]
About what you guys had to do, even if you didn't want to, and your memories...
[ Yesod's, possibly. Netzach's didn't seem to be quite there yet. ]
... So I just wanted to see if you were okay. [ She says it a little sheepishly, almost apologetic. Kind of not the easiest thing to spring on someone that you know more about their backstory than expected. ]
[ That alone already seems to be more than "a little" about their time in Lobotomy Corporation, and March surprises him yet again. It isn't her apparent concern, though Malkuth must have told her enough to give her a distinct idea of their sins across their lives — whether or not she considers people her friends, she appears to be a kindhearted person. Rather, it's the tone of her voice, the shift in her manner to handle this change of subject with care. The admission that broaching it was on her mind.
He isn't sure how to answer, he realizes. He might have dismissed it, in the past — both distant and less so — intent on locking away every unacceptable thought and emotion, forcing them into containment to prevent the consequences of their breaching those walls. He recognizes that as a mistake.
(Sometimes, he still doesn't know what he will see, whenever he looks at himself.)
Another moment passes in silence, too much of it. Yesod thinks of his conversation with Malkuth, the exchange with Ishmael. They did taste hope, and there may be things left to believe in after all.
And if Malkuth was able to recount pieces of their story and entrust them to March, the two of them have grown close. It's natural to want that, to feel less alone. ]
...Then you're aware that Malkuth, Netzach, and I all recall different points in time? What did Malkuth mention about our memories?
That there was a group of you that all came together to work on some kind of important project but things sort of went downhill and in your second lives, you didn't remember who you used to be.
[ Again, March says this delicately, because this is a difficult subject to navigate. The last thing she wants is to stick her foot in her mouth when the consequences of that might end up hurting someone who had apparently already been through something like hell. She's learning, slowly, not to be pushy or insensitive, but a lot of that depends on the person she's talking to. Whether they can handle that or not. ]
She said Netzach was still at a point where he didn't remember and that she thought you might have unlocked your memories but that both of you are at a point where you don't have bodies like hers yet.
[ The summary glosses over the necessity of achieving their project's goal and the extent to which everything fell apart back then, perhaps because March wants to avoid upsetting him or because Malkuth herself found it difficult to revisit these topics. Enoch, Carmen. The Cogito experiments commencing in earnest. The price paid for seeming progress. Those endless days in Lobotomy Corporation, too.
Remembering provided an explanation for the defects that they exhibited — or the absurd design flaws — if they were AIs created to carry out their work. Even suspended in this strange state between recollections of being human and an ongoing existence as a machine, it's better to know the truth of the past and the future.
With a nod, Yesod gestures at himself. ]
Yes. This projected appearance resembles my first incarnation, but my current mechanical body isn't humanoid. The same is the case for Netzach. Yet according to Malkuth, we have human bodies again in the future, as she does.
[ As Angela implied in her negotiations. ]
I've wondered what LILITH's reasoning could be. As it is, it seems that Malkuth feels the need to protect us. [ Which remains worrying, frankly. ] In any case, truthfully, neither she nor I know precisely what Netzach's memories might contain, should he eventually recall them here.
[ That is, their past selves were possibly spared even greater pain as more and more went downhill, if only because they were dead. He can't predict how Netzach would react to recovering Giovanni's memories in different circumstances instead of the breaking point that they all reached, let alone learning of future events that he hasn't experienced himself. ]
[ At least they're aware that Malkuth is trying to protect them, even if March still isn't entirely sure she agrees with it. But she wonders how much they know, beyond that. And she can't exactly ask that, but...
Her gaze darkens a little, concerned. ]
I hope if they return to him here, he's... well, no, he should have support. [ She considers them friends and he'll also have his coworkers. If her own memories return here... how would she handle it, she wonders. ]
And the way you look now was your first life self, huh...
...We don't intend to abandon Netzach, whether or not he gains full awareness of our situation.
[ Though they must seem slightly different to Netzach, oddly so, compared to what he remembers of his fellow Sephirot. It's best to approach the matter carefully — at the facility, the circumstances were dire, and ideally, Netzach won't undergo what he did then.
Then, pausing, Yesod considers March's request. She might have more questions for him, for all of them, if he grants it, but he sees no reason to withhold this from her. ]
Malkuth has told me that my human appearance hasn't changed significantly. Hers hasn't, either... I suppose her hair is longer than it was in her first life.
[ Are their bodies within the Library based on Carmen's memories, adjusted, or their own? A combination? ]
As for my present form...
[ Deactivating the cloaking device reveals it to leave him peering up at March with his single glowing eye. The cloaking device's functions, he notes, likely correct the sound of his voice and Netzach's to compensate for the fact that their mechanical bodies don't include a larynx. ]
[ With a little smile, though she blinks with some fascinating as his human form vanishes to be replaced by...
A box? A box with a glowing eye and she steps closer, fascinated. Thankfully with no poking or prodding, though she holds up her camera with an inquisitive expression. Picture? Can she snap a picture?? ]
Wow, I'm a little taller than you like this! I would've thought your height would have stayed the same...
... Though I guess you'd still have me beat in your first life and your... other form, once you get it.
[ He has never been the most expressive person, he knows, and he suspects that he has failed to convey that he wanted to reassure March, who has expressed genuine concern for him and Netzach, and undoubtedly for Malkuth as well. Without any facial features, that will pose even more of a challenge.
March, on the other hand, displays her reactions quite plainly.
Yesod's eye glows a little brighter in fresh surprise, focused on March's camera. She'd like to take a picture of him in this form for her wall...?
His three-fingered hands tap against the strips standing out against his arms and body — he is aware that he has no clothing to smooth into place. ]
...Some of my colleagues are smaller, while others are larger. You would also be taller than Netzach... and Malkuth, were she still a Sephirah.
Really?? So you're all different sizes! I guess that makes sense, it's just like people.
[ And the machines in Belobog's underground were also like this. Little models, but then there was Svarog, who definitely towered over everyone, humans included.
She at least waits now for Yesod to settle before she snaps a quick picture, beaming. ]
All versions of you deserve to be seen, because they're all still you and you're my friend! I'll have to ask Netzach for the same favor later.
But thanks, for showing me. I wasn't sure if it'd be rude to ask.
[ It continues to astonish him that March reacts with delight over such unexpected things. It's certainly unexpected, too, that she refers to this as a favor — that she calls him a friend without hesitation, and not as a demonstration to prove a point this time.
All versions of him... In some respects, he would prefer not to see who he was in his reflection here, but he places the thought aside.
Eyeing March curiously instead, in part for whatever her camera captured, probably isn't discernible while his cloaking device isn't activated, but when Yesod assumes his human appearance once more, there is a hint of amusement in his expression. ]
So you're planning to take three pictures each of Netzach and me, if the opportunity arises?
[ Would March arrange those photographs in a linear sequence or a triangle? A different option altogether? He contemplates asking the question, certain only of the likelihood that the answer would be something unpredictable, but March's assertions give him pause. She has previously alluded to her amnesia, during their mission to infiltrate The Sapphire Room — it sounds rather severe.
March speaks of it as though lacking any memory of her own past doesn't trouble her, but is that really true? Experiencing inexplicable things as an AI was uncomfortable, so a vast stretch of nothing where one's past should be, as a living being, must be similarly disturbing.
Each picture taken becomes a tangible memory, evidence of a desire to preserve those moments so as not to forget them. It's another matter to handle with care. ]
And about yourself? What do you want your friends to record?
[ It's a bit of a surprising question, because not too many people ask her about how she wants to be remembered. Usually when she's talking about memories, it's about why they're important to her and what she wants to do to recall and preserve them. So March has to pause for a few minutes to give the question proper thought, tapping her chin as she mulls on it. ]
I think... That's pretty much up to them. Maybe what they think is important about me at the time? As long as they remember me, I think that's all I'd want. Though I definitely hope the memories are amazing!
[ That sounds quite humble at first, the simple wish to be remembered — nothing more and nothing less — until March finishes with what appears to be in line with her usual easy confidence. The resulting contrast feels stark, almost like the preceding thought quickly covered up, and it meets with a raised brow, but Yesod accepts March's response.
It's hardly his place to question it on the basis of his own perspective as far as mysteries and debates surrounding one's memories are concerned. ]
You're bound to accumulate a variety of experiences to remember together. The less amazing memories are equally important, as every moment contributes another component of an expanding picture over time.
[ And March 7th, remembered, will consist of an ever-expanding collection of personalized pictures in turn, fulfilling her wish. ]
Yeah, I feel that way too. Good or bad, memories are important.
[ No matter what anyone else tells her, that perhaps some things are better off left forgotten (against her will), they're still her memories. She still wants to know what she's forgotten and even if painful memories exist up ahead, it's still something to retain. ]
So I think I'll just look forward to seeing what comes next, for me and for you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Regarding Malkuth?
[ That would be odd, he thinks, unless it's something that requires a second opinion, in March's view. ]
no subject
[ A careful pause. ]
About what you guys had to do, even if you didn't want to, and your memories...
[ Yesod's, possibly. Netzach's didn't seem to be quite there yet. ]
... So I just wanted to see if you were okay. [ She says it a little sheepishly, almost apologetic. Kind of not the easiest thing to spring on someone that you know more about their backstory than expected. ]
no subject
He isn't sure how to answer, he realizes. He might have dismissed it, in the past — both distant and less so — intent on locking away every unacceptable thought and emotion, forcing them into containment to prevent the consequences of their breaching those walls. He recognizes that as a mistake.
(Sometimes, he still doesn't know what he will see, whenever he looks at himself.)
Another moment passes in silence, too much of it. Yesod thinks of his conversation with Malkuth, the exchange with Ishmael. They did taste hope, and there may be things left to believe in after all.
And if Malkuth was able to recount pieces of their story and entrust them to March, the two of them have grown close. It's natural to want that, to feel less alone. ]
...Then you're aware that Malkuth, Netzach, and I all recall different points in time? What did Malkuth mention about our memories?
no subject
[ Again, March says this delicately, because this is a difficult subject to navigate. The last thing she wants is to stick her foot in her mouth when the consequences of that might end up hurting someone who had apparently already been through something like hell. She's learning, slowly, not to be pushy or insensitive, but a lot of that depends on the person she's talking to. Whether they can handle that or not. ]
She said Netzach was still at a point where he didn't remember and that she thought you might have unlocked your memories but that both of you are at a point where you don't have bodies like hers yet.
no subject
Remembering provided an explanation for the defects that they exhibited — or the absurd design flaws — if they were AIs created to carry out their work. Even suspended in this strange state between recollections of being human and an ongoing existence as a machine, it's better to know the truth of the past and the future.
With a nod, Yesod gestures at himself. ]
Yes. This projected appearance resembles my first incarnation, but my current mechanical body isn't humanoid. The same is the case for Netzach. Yet according to Malkuth, we have human bodies again in the future, as she does.
[ As Angela implied in her negotiations. ]
I've wondered what LILITH's reasoning could be. As it is, it seems that Malkuth feels the need to protect us. [ Which remains worrying, frankly. ] In any case, truthfully, neither she nor I know precisely what Netzach's memories might contain, should he eventually recall them here.
[ That is, their past selves were possibly spared even greater pain as more and more went downhill, if only because they were dead. He can't predict how Netzach would react to recovering Giovanni's memories in different circumstances instead of the breaking point that they all reached, let alone learning of future events that he hasn't experienced himself. ]
no subject
Her gaze darkens a little, concerned. ]
I hope if they return to him here, he's... well, no, he should have support. [ She considers them friends and he'll also have his coworkers. If her own memories return here... how would she handle it, she wonders. ]
And the way you look now was your first life self, huh...
Can I see it, sometime? How you really look?
no subject
[ Though they must seem slightly different to Netzach, oddly so, compared to what he remembers of his fellow Sephirot. It's best to approach the matter carefully — at the facility, the circumstances were dire, and ideally, Netzach won't undergo what he did then.
Then, pausing, Yesod considers March's request. She might have more questions for him, for all of them, if he grants it, but he sees no reason to withhold this from her. ]
Malkuth has told me that my human appearance hasn't changed significantly. Hers hasn't, either... I suppose her hair is longer than it was in her first life.
[ Are their bodies within the Library based on Carmen's memories, adjusted, or their own? A combination? ]
As for my present form...
[ Deactivating the cloaking device reveals it to leave him peering up at March with his single glowing eye. The cloaking device's functions, he notes, likely correct the sound of his voice and Netzach's to compensate for the fact that their mechanical bodies don't include a larynx. ]
no subject
[ With a little smile, though she blinks with some fascinating as his human form vanishes to be replaced by...
A box? A box with a glowing eye and she steps closer, fascinated. Thankfully with no poking or prodding, though she holds up her camera with an inquisitive expression. Picture? Can she snap a picture?? ]
Wow, I'm a little taller than you like this! I would've thought your height would have stayed the same...
... Though I guess you'd still have me beat in your first life and your... other form, once you get it.
no subject
March, on the other hand, displays her reactions quite plainly.
Yesod's eye glows a little brighter in fresh surprise, focused on March's camera. She'd like to take a picture of him in this form for her wall...?
His three-fingered hands tap against the strips standing out against his arms and body — he is aware that he has no clothing to smooth into place. ]
...Some of my colleagues are smaller, while others are larger. You would also be taller than Netzach... and Malkuth, were she still a Sephirah.
no subject
[ And the machines in Belobog's underground were also like this. Little models, but then there was Svarog, who definitely towered over everyone, humans included.
She at least waits now for Yesod to settle before she snaps a quick picture, beaming. ]
All versions of you deserve to be seen, because they're all still you and you're my friend! I'll have to ask Netzach for the same favor later.
But thanks, for showing me. I wasn't sure if it'd be rude to ask.
no subject
All versions of him... In some respects, he would prefer not to see who he was in his reflection here, but he places the thought aside.
Eyeing March curiously instead, in part for whatever her camera captured, probably isn't discernible while his cloaking device isn't activated, but when Yesod assumes his human appearance once more, there is a hint of amusement in his expression. ]
So you're planning to take three pictures each of Netzach and me, if the opportunity arises?
no subject
I don't exactly have anything left from my past, so I'd like to record what I can about my friends while I'm here. I think it's important.
[ She says this rather proudly. And also with great determination. ]
no subject
March speaks of it as though lacking any memory of her own past doesn't trouble her, but is that really true? Experiencing inexplicable things as an AI was uncomfortable, so a vast stretch of nothing where one's past should be, as a living being, must be similarly disturbing.
Each picture taken becomes a tangible memory, evidence of a desire to preserve those moments so as not to forget them. It's another matter to handle with care. ]
And about yourself? What do you want your friends to record?
no subject
[ It's a bit of a surprising question, because not too many people ask her about how she wants to be remembered. Usually when she's talking about memories, it's about why they're important to her and what she wants to do to recall and preserve them. So March has to pause for a few minutes to give the question proper thought, tapping her chin as she mulls on it. ]
I think... That's pretty much up to them. Maybe what they think is important about me at the time? As long as they remember me, I think that's all I'd want. Though I definitely hope the memories are amazing!
no subject
It's hardly his place to question it on the basis of his own perspective as far as mysteries and debates surrounding one's memories are concerned. ]
You're bound to accumulate a variety of experiences to remember together. The less amazing memories are equally important, as every moment contributes another component of an expanding picture over time.
[ And March 7th, remembered, will consist of an ever-expanding collection of personalized pictures in turn, fulfilling her wish. ]
no subject
[ No matter what anyone else tells her, that perhaps some things are better off left forgotten (against her will), they're still her memories. She still wants to know what she's forgotten and even if painful memories exist up ahead, it's still something to retain. ]
So I think I'll just look forward to seeing what comes next, for me and for you.