[If he can survive mochi making with Lae’zel “if you’re not fast enough I’ll smash your fingers off” of Créche K’liir, then he’s certain he can do the same with March.
And doubly so since he’s called dibs on wielding the mallet for himself, giving it a little twirl in one hand, the same way he would if he were holding a dagger instead.]
By now, I should be something of an expert at this.
[He couldn’t stab her with a mallet even if he wanted. He could bonk her on the head with one easily, though.]
Hm? Oh, no. While I’m usually the sort that likes to inflict puncture wounds, I could also manage “blunt force trauma” well before I arrived in this world.
Then let’s get started, shall we? I much prefer being the one to hammer away after a certain githyanki nearly took my own fingers off, if you don’t mind.
I promise I’ll be gentler than her, at any rate.
[He’ll wait until she’s ready before he starts hammering away, at least.]
...Better than usual, at any rate. I'd been traveling with her for quite a while now, and sometimes I still think that a wayward remark will earn a swing of that godsawful greatsword in my direction.
[This is an exaggeration. It was true at the beginning, but by now... Well. He'd have to really test Lae'zel's trust and patience for that to happen, and he's not fool enough to do that.]
[ March yelps a little, moving her hands off to different sides as the mallet comes down, before making such an indignant face it's almost impressive. ]
I was the one who helped you figure out where to get it, right?? And just because I don't wanna be your juice box doesn't mean there aren't people who'd be just fine with you biting them probably!
[To be fair, he is dating him, too. He went for the more crass reply just because he could, but it appears this isn’t the part that’s shaken her.
Gods, she’s going through like a hundred different reactions in the span of a few seconds.]
I’m mean?
[Yes, you are a mean girl, Astarion. However, he views it only as being sassy and needling, the way he usually is with those he isn’t close to — if he were being mean, truly unflattering, then he thinks she’d be able to tell the difference immediately.
Of course, she hasn’t done anything to earn that, so March is stuck with the audacious, teasing version of Astarion for now.]
I beg your pardon. He appreciates my wit and charisma. [Yes, that’s what we’re calling it.] We’re simply the sort of people to tell it like it is, what’s so wrong with that?
He just chuckles and goes back to hammering for a moment, then eases up on the task to let her work the mochi a little more.]
And what about you? ["What about you", what, Astarion? Don't worry, he's quick to clarify-] Any lovers you might go wailing back to, complaining that such a mean vampire keeps teasing you and trying to smash your fingers?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Action, mochi time!!
And doubly so since he’s called dibs on wielding the mallet for himself, giving it a little twirl in one hand, the same way he would if he were holding a dagger instead.]
By now, I should be something of an expert at this.
[You’ve done this once, Astarion.]
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[ WHY IS HE HOLDING IT LIKE THAT. March is definitely staring at him warily as though she is fully expecting him to try to stab her with it. ]
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Hm? Oh, no. While I’m usually the sort that likes to inflict puncture wounds, I could also manage “blunt force trauma” well before I arrived in this world.
[Charlatan with a sadistic streak and all that.]
No, I mean making all this “mochi.”
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Well, I'm getting to be pretty good at it, too! So as long as you're careful, we'll be fine!
[ Probably. ]
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I promise I’ll be gentler than her, at any rate.
[He’ll wait until she’s ready before he starts hammering away, at least.]
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[ And survived. Wow. But okay, she'll get to work, for the sake of her fingers. ]
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[He won't slam the hammer down just yet, but he's waiting... waiting... Better Watch Out.]
Though I should use that term loosely. How many times did she insult you in that first meeting, by chance?
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... Maybe.
[ For her. ]
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[Of course, she did say "maybe", so.]
...Better than usual, at any rate. I'd been traveling with her for quite a while now, and sometimes I still think that a wayward remark will earn a swing of that godsawful greatsword in my direction.
[This is an exaggeration. It was true at the beginning, but by now... Well. He'd have to really test Lae'zel's trust and patience for that to happen, and he's not fool enough to do that.]
You must have left an impression.
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There aren't too many pretty and energetic ice-using amnesiacs out there, after all!
But she's... definitely interesting. I'd rather not get on her bad side, if I can help it.
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There aren't. Or pinked-haired young ladies who wouldn't even give a drop of blood to a starving man in need.
[More and more, this tale becomes further exaggerated. Astarion just smiles, teeth gleaming.]
Prove yourself to be capable, and she'll warm up to you. She's very much the warrior-type; the sort that puts worth in someone's strength. And...
[Hammer coming down now!!]
...quick reflexes!
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I was the one who helped you figure out where to get it, right?? And just because I don't wanna be your juice box doesn't mean there aren't people who'd be just fine with you biting them probably!
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But it speaks for your generosity. Your kindness. Or lackthereof!
[Says Astarion who is neither generous nor kind. But it's clear, from his shit-eating grin, that he's just giving her a hard time. Again.]
You're right, I'm lucky that I do have the most handsome juice box willing to offer up a bite or two if I truly needed it.
[He's going to have to tell Winter that he called him a handsome juice box someday.]
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[ Sure. But, as she shapes the mochi again-- ]
Wait, so you do have somebody? So what was the point of giving me so much grief about it??
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But anyway.]
For character growth. [Read: because he could.] But yes, I do. He's from my world, as well, though he hails from a faraway city.
[Far enough away from Baldur's Gate, anyway, especially for a ye olde.]
Perhaps you've met him? His name is Winter.
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Do you call all your juice boxes handsome...?
[ is this a platonic juice box situation ]
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No. Only the ones I [llllooooooove] bed.
[definitely not a platonic juice box situation--]
1/??? Why are you making me do this on mobile
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[ March that is not what bedding implies SHUT UP BRACKETS SHE'S A ROMANTIC]
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Done
I can't believe you were acting like a starving orphan when you were fine all along, you jerk!!
[ A very sassy starving orphan. ]
you're so powerful but i'm sorry
Gods, she’s going through like a hundred different reactions in the span of a few seconds.]
I’m mean?
[Yes, you are a mean girl, Astarion. However, he views it only as being sassy and needling, the way he usually is with those he isn’t close to — if he were being mean, truly unflattering, then he thinks she’d be able to tell the difference immediately.
Of course, she hasn’t done anything to earn that, so March is stuck with the audacious, teasing version of Astarion for now.]
I beg your pardon. He appreciates my wit and charisma. [Yes, that’s what we’re calling it.] We’re simply the sort of people to tell it like it is, what’s so wrong with that?
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[ Why does she feel strangely exhausted now. ]
I mean, I guess I'm glad you've got your boyfriend here with you, but seriously...
[ THE AMOUNT OF BULLYING, ASTARION!! ]
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He just chuckles and goes back to hammering for a moment, then eases up on the task to let her work the mochi a little more.]
And what about you? ["What about you", what, Astarion? Don't worry, he's quick to clarify-] Any lovers you might go wailing back to, complaining that such a mean vampire keeps teasing you and trying to smash your fingers?
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[ Well, it won't stop her from complaining to people, though. He's right on the money there. ]
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